On this post, reducing holiday anxiety, easy gift ideas, local small shops, cheeky needlepoint pillows and more..
How are you all? It is time for the Weekend Meander with Elizabeth. Juliet is off until next year!
I hope you are easing into and looking forward to some good things this holiday season. It’s time for my annual reminder to let SH*T go. (Sorry for the expletive, but it is needed here.)
Now that the last pumpkin is put away, I am starting to get holiday anxiety. I know I am not alone. I took time to go play tennis for an hour on Friday and felt guilty. Inside I knew I should have been checking off something on my list of Christmas things. I know I am not alone. Two women friends at tennis said they were feeling overwhelmed, short on time and stressed. One is in her late 70’s and the other in her 30’s. Women of all ages still have too much on their shoulders this season.
Much of what makes the holidays magical falls on women. To make it all happen, we need to order and get the cards out, deck the halls, find the perfect gifts, fill the stockings, plan the gatherings, host parties, and bake the cookies. Then there are the present exchanges. We bring a dishes to get togethers. My Jewish friends also have a lot with meals and the gifts too. It is all mostly on our shoulders alone. No wonder have anxiety and a tight chest.
A dear pal says she hates this season for all those reasons. So when do we get to be in the joy? In the times I was raised in, women are supposed to be fulfilled just by making everyone’s Christmas dreams come true. My mom did it, and so did my grandma. Will we expect the same from our daughters? Things haven’t changed that much. Men still do little of it. I call humbug on that. We can do less and men also need to do a larger share.
When I married Max his large Kentucky family always had a gift exchange where we randomly pulled names. It was something he was committed to continue as we loved his dad’s Kentucky family very much. In the early years of our marriage and Max was working start up hours, and I was alone long days with two young boys. I shopped for those four gifts, wrapped them, and waited in the post office lines to send them with home baked cookies- often to people I had never met. (It was a large group.) Sometimes the presents were acknowledged, but most times not at all. Quite often we did not receive four back. I didn’t care about not getting the reciprocal gifts, but I did care about the large amount of time and effort this added to my plate every year.
Finally one year, I asked Max if we could opt out, and though he wasn’t happy about it, we did. I am sure the Kentucky family members were glad to not have us in the exchange as they had to send to packages and shop as well, and they usually opened presents together. All were likely relieved, but Max didn’t have the nerve to opt out, until I finally said enough. Now we exchange holiday cards and that is a less stressful way to stay in touch. Max writes all the cards for his friends and family, which is a huge help.
As we get older, one of the perks is not giving a damn about keeping up with the Jones’s. In fact it is refreshing, even empowering when we hear another woman say she’s not longer doing the cards, or has finally stepped off some merry-go-round like a yearly gift exchange. I had a friend tell me their Thanksgiving was from now on turkey sandwiches at the beach, and I thought that was fantastic.
A friend’s wise dad once said, if you do it all, you leave no space for others to step up. True that.
Time is precious! More time doing what we really love, and less of what ‘we think’ others want from us, can be good. See what you can say no to. What things about the season bring joy? What we do now, we should do because we love to, not because ‘that’s the way it has always been.’
We are blazing new trails with each generation. I think we can make it better for the next one by not letting women take all the responsibility for the holidays traditions, expecting more of men, (hence training our sons), and by doing less ourselves.
Campisi & Co, Croissante, and Jennifer Creel
Are you shopping small this season? I am trying very hard to get to all the small stores in my Los Gatos, and other small retailers. Last Saturday we took our visiting family to downtown Los Gatos to get some wonderful baked goods at the new Croissante Bakery and coffee before they left town. It’s a small business with two locations in LG and Santa Clara. They have wonderful coffees and pastries and small lunch bites. There is a cute outdoor seating area in what used to be the old Manresa Bread. You can even order stollen for the holidays. If you need special treats, this is a great place to consider or meet a friend for a holiday coffee!
Just a few steps from Croissante is Centerpiece, a great local florist with wonderful bouquets, pretty gifts and planters. This is the run by the talented Catherine Sommers -and Carla Olivet who helped design my front landscape works there too. There is loads of holiday inspiration for your home decor there and they invite you to even bring in your own vase or planter, and they will fill it for you. It’s in the same little shopping area as Croissante.
Next to this small shopping center is Village Lane, where the jewel box Campisi & Co is nestled. It’s the prettiest small shop with dreamy gift ideas and beautiful and fun home things. David and Kelly have the best taste and are both the sweetest people. David and Kelly both once worked for Ralph Lauren and it shows. David always makes me laugh and I love to see what RL look he has on as he owns the coolest sweaters! ( Pic of David from their Instagram.)
The store was so pretty with loads of good things.
They were having a trunk show for NY Jewelry Designer Jennifer Creel. Kelly above with Jennifer’s dog. I had heard of Jennifer and seen her pretty pieces in C Magazine and Vogue. She was the friendliest person and had her pup Pepper with her. Her pieces were lovely! She was so nice and now I am going to put one of her pendants on my save for list. Follow fun Jennifer on her Instagram.
My mother-in -law Marguerite bought me a beautiful tray and a Christmas’ Dolce Vita tea towel from Italy. I bought a Voyage & Cie votive, and a bag of Beverly’s wonderful local toffee for gifts. Everything you buy here is wrapped so pretty in their bags and custom bows!
On My Radar- Gift Ideas from Nordstrom
Seen at Nordstrom this week. They have a nicely curated gift area downstairs at Valley Fair. I braved the mall for a few hours and these items caught my eye.
They had me at the pretty packaging of Flamingo Estate made in California including this candle, and this honey, and all their California products.
I loved this Maui candle with a double wick, of soy, and made in America. For those who love the islands! More good scents by Brooklyn Candle Studio.
Jack Black men’s kits are a great deal. Max loves these products. I bought him this one for Xmas. He loves the face scrub for the shower and the lotion with SPF 20. More holiday kits from Jack Black here. My boys love the Turbo Wash for the shower.
These Nordstrom brand soft cotton PJs in cute colors seem very nice.
I love these Furbish Pillows…
Are you familiar with Furbish Studios? I love their fun and bright things. Recently they contacted me about choosing a pillow from their collection. I have coveted the pillows forever -especially the holiday ones, but I finally choose the cheeky WTF pillow. Seemed appropriate in these fraught times.
I have it on the entry bench and will probably move it to my office chair when I change to holiday decor. I am thinking of adding a ‘Merry Christmas You Fithy Animal’ (Home Alone) to amuse my kids. Some of the holiday collection is on sale here. More of the new holiday pillows here and ornaments here.
You might also see a funny one from the whole collection for a particular friend. They make cool gifts!
Some affordable ideas for friends and neighbors…
For a gift that is not wasteful and useable, foods are always a good idea. Go to your local grocer and look for artisan vinegars and olive oils. Our local Lunardis carries many brands of chocolates from across the states, and Italian baked goods. Wrap it in a pretty ribbon or a kitchen towel.
I love my local Ace hardware for pretty tea towels, cute paper napkins, and plants. I just found these tea towels in Joyful and Cheers and will pair them with some cookies, or tea, or a candle. A poinsettia would be a thoughtful gift for a friend or neighbor. I just bought some pink ones for my porch terracotta pots. (Note poinsettia is poisonous to cats, so best kept outdoors.)
I love to go to my local Lunardis to peruse the tea section. Some tea brands have special editions in tins. Either way, I am a sucker for a box of tea. It is sure to be used and appreciated. If you pair it with little loaves of bread, cookies, a tea towel, or paper napkins, you have a nice gift for a friend or hostess.
Blue Mercury is my favorite place to buy makeup in our small town. They carry the nicest brands and their own, Lune + Aster is great too. They have their own makeup gift kits from $20-$32 that all are now extra 25% off. I love this gel eye liner set just $20 and this set of two lip colors for $32 (so good), and theShadow Play kit for $32.
Voyage & Cie votives are so luxe and if you can’t get to Campisi & Co, you can find them here. I just bought the divine Latin Quartier one and the Christmas themed Charlevoix Noel is on my list.They come in three sizes and the $32 votive size looks larger than it sounds and is beautifully boxed too. I bought a bunch for friends last year. These candles are made in America, all soy and organic, and the business is woman owned.
Hold a One Warm Coat Drive!
Giving Tuesday last week reminded me that it has been a few years since I helped with a One Warm Coat drive. Since this winter is becoming one of the coldest we have had in years, I thought this would be a good time to do one. You just go to One Warm Coat, register your drive, dates, and who you will give the coats to.
My boys and I did this years ago when they were in elementary school and we placed the box in front of the school. We got so many great kid’s coats and delivered them to a local charity. It’s an easy thing to do with your kids or just yourself.
Max and I are doing this ourselves and placed the box by my front door and will have it there for ten days. I chose Sacred Heart Community Services and Migrant Education in South San Jose as the charities. I listed it on Nextdoor and told friends. I am hoping we get some nice warm coats. You can also donate coats in your area or give funds as they buy overstock coats from retailers to distribute as well. They are a San Francisco based charity and just won an award for their ratings and have 97% rating on Charity Navigator.
Next week I’ll have some of my holiday decor ( I hope to have it up) and Christmas cookies for you.
If you missed last week’s post I shared my men’s gift guide, drapes over a glass entry door, the We Ain’t Buying It boycott and more…
Have a great weekend!
Kim
Please stop by Elizabeth’s blog for more good things…Juliet will be back in the new year.
PINECONES AND ACORNS
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Hi Kim: I’m probably an outlier in your group but I gave up doing ‘the holidays’ years ago. I was obliged to go to parties when I was working but once I retired, that was it! Because I keep up with my friends and family on a regular basis, I don’t feel like I have to send out cards during the holiday season. Because of my age (!) my friends and I have agreed that an occasional gift would be fun but *only things we need or that would brighten our days* (tea towels, prints, candles, plants, etc). My son lives in the midwest and doesn’t want to travel during these busy times, and my husband’s boys usually spend quiet time at home with their girlfriends or mother. So there you have it! I did buy a few presents this year and they were all from local stores. Have a wonderful holiday season and try not to overwork yourself!
Hi Sally! Yay for stepping off the merry-go-round. I love that you dropped it when you retired.
I love the only gifts that are fun.
A lot of families have chosen to get together at other times, and this season isn’t easy to cross the country. Why not get together when it’s not such a stressful time?
That is great you shopped local too.
Hope you have a great one too.xo
‘[ove your post
Thanks so much Lillian!
Kim, I found your thoughts concerning the holidays very interesting. I agree. Last year we spent the month of December in Australia and New Zealand. I enjoyed experiencing how another country celebrates the holidays. Less commercial yet festive and beautiful. I have decked the halls at my home this year and enjoy it when we settle down at night. BUT… who knows how I will feel next year? Probably another December vacation!
Greer, That sounds like a great time to go to Australia and NZ.
I would love to experience that too and see the holidays in a different way.
Yes enjoy the lights, but do it for you.
Vacation is a great way to enjoy this time! x
I really appreciate your blog as I’ve always struggled with the overload us women get on the holidays. I work and do the cooking and decorate the house and buy the presents for our boys, my extended family and my husband’s family. It is really stressful and exhausting. The holidays are a blur and those special moments fleeting. I’m thinking of announcing this is the last year I’m doing it. Being in the sandwich generation makes it all extremely challenging. Anyhow, thanks for another interesting blog and permission to do things differently! 🙂
Hi Laura, I am with you. That sounds like so much with work too.
Think about taking some of that off your plate. You deserve to enjoy this time of year too.
Who made us the ones that must do it all?
I hope you find a way to change things! It’s all about finding those special moments. We don’t need to do it all to make them happen.
Sending you hugs.
My kids are 23 and 25, no partners. Both of them have a pretty decent Christmas break so we decided to forgo gifts and head away on a fairly big trip, just the four of us. My kids are students so we are covering the costs and that will be their Christmas gift. When I told my kids that it felt weird to not be buying presents to open on Christmas day, they both told me to “chill”. Lol. They said, “we are 23 and 25, I think we understand, Mom”. Ok then. I do have to buy a gift for my sister in law and my sister and that is it. I will still do a little baking and I have definitely decorated the house, but it really feels like a load has been taken off. I also like to get together with neighbours and friends but we are doing it really early in the season before everyone gets too busy. Letting go of a few things definitely helps make the season much more relaxing.
Brenda, What a perfect time of life for you and your kids to do this. I love it. It really is a load off not to have to shop!
I said the same to our kids about just 2 gifts and stockings. I feel badly, but they said it’s great. They really like the rituals and the downtime of the holidays.
You’re so right, just releasing some of these obligations can make a difference in how we feel about the season!
Enjoy the trip!
Ha! What a great post Kim! I think so many women can relate to this. I find as I have gotten older I want things to be easier. I gave up Christmas cards years ago. That was always the thing I put off partly because I felt I needed to type up a Christmas letter to go with it. Then I decided to just send a photo card instead but it never happened! So many of my relatives have passed and all my friends I see during the year so I finally stopped. I used to work with a girl that always wanted to do pot lucks for every holiday. I used to grumble about having to make something for work the next day after making dinner.
This Christmas is probably going to be the most difficult for me. My daughter and her husband recently separated. The whole family is devastated. They have been with each other for 15 years. We love our son-in-law and text often and see him occasionally but it won’t be the same this Christmas without him. Not sure yet what is going to happen but my daughter isn’t doing the work and seems to be content being on her own. It’s like she is someone else. I was crying one day when I realized my daughter was spending Thanksgiving with her divorced friend and her family. I kept saying to my husband what are we going to do about Christmas? He finally said “F**k Christmas!” He doesn’t like seeing me get all worked up which I have a tendency to do. We are trying to just focus on the grandkids. Next week making Christmas cookies and sometime before Christmas would like to take them to get hot chocolate and go see the lights at the Hotel Del. It’s so beautiful…we took my daughter when she was little but I don’t remember it being so lit up.
You have the cutest shops in Los Gatos. We found a French pastry shop last year in Pacific Beach. On the rare occasion we are near the beach it’s a stop we must make. I bought a Furbish pillow awhile back. I got the “I had my patient tested I’m negative” and have it on my sofa. I should buy a Christmas one to put out for the holidays. Love your pillow!!!!! 😆
Try and take it easy and enjoy the season!
Linda
Hi Linda, It feels good to shed some of these things we once did! I can understand about the potluck.
Gosh you have a lot with the separation. I am so sorry. I can imagine that is hard for everyone. You cannot get too stressed. Just enjoy the season with the grandkids, and the Hotel Del!
Listen to your hubs. You take care of yourself!
Oh my gosh the pillow! That is me too. LOL.
Sending you hugs.
Love your blog. We take our kids and grandkids on a trip each year. We rent the house for all 17 of us. We go same week every year. It is a great time for cousins to connect. We all live in different cities. We have a reveal at Christmas. Christmas is so less stressful. I know we are fortunate to be able to do this. But my point is…give an experience instead of stuff. Go and do something together. I guarantee that next year the kids will remember what you did together. They won’t remember which toy they got last year.
I so love this idea! Thank you so much for sharing it K. I know you are right! Money better spent for sure.
My parents used to rent a cabin for all of us at the holidays and the kids still remember that and how much fun they had- never what they got.
We’ve decided to back away from most card and gift exchanges. We all certainly have enough!
Now, our grown children have little ones. We start the holiday cheer, right after Thanksgiving, with a gift of Hanna Andersson jammies, hot chocolate makings, an evergreen scented candle, and a fast growing amaryllis bulb.
On Christmas Day, we give one gift per child, and exchange a family gift of some kind with each of the adult couples. A nice gift or two for my husband, and that is it!
It most definitely has changed as our kids have grown, and are financially stable. When they’re just starting out as adults, the little luxuries and bigger gifts make such a difference in their lives!
My holiday decor is more for my own pleasure. I like small touches, and glowy lights set on timers. I’m really enjoying my Luminara candles that have the real looking flickering wick. As the sun goes down, those lights all blink on at 5pm. It gives me a cozy, hygge feeling, which I sure need this time of year!
Your WTF pillow made me laugh, and reminded me of that sit com, Modern Family. The father of the teenage kids was getting into texting, and the kids had convinced him that WTF meant “Why the Face?”
Lisa, What a lovely idea with the pjs, cocoa, and all.
I love the one gift and exchange. Great ideas here. I agree about the gifts as kids get older.
The candles on timers feel so cozy in the dark months!
Ha! I have to look for that Modern Family episode.
Thank you for sharing ! xo
I’m with you, Sally. I only buy small gifts for my Mom, who is 85. Or just get her something she wants/needs. My brother and his family all moved 1,500 miles away within the past couple of years. I did get gifts for my great-nieces and nephews (who were all under 10 yo), but since they all moved, I don’t feel obliged to mail them gifts (they get plenty from other family members nearby anyway). We don’t exchange gifts with my husband’s family. To be honest, due to the commercialism of Christmas, I always want to skip by this month until January 1. We keep things very simple here, mainly focusing on experiences and good food. We are fortunate to be able to do that.
Lisa, I love the keeping it simple and less buying.
When family is far, why make to so hard?
Experiences and the holiday food are the best!
Hi Kim,
Only last night I was trying to persuade my hubby to write a few Christmas cards to his family…you would think after 38 years it could be something he could contribute but no. His mother is nearly 90 and would love to see his handwriting as opposed to mine. Women do everything. Thanks for your lovely post very true.
We are off the two of us on an adventure as both our “kids” are going to their in-laws for Christmas so this will be a first on many levels. I am making myself give traditions up this year in the process of doing something different and being in a completely new landscape and to enjoy the freedom in all its forms.
I hope you and yours Kim and Max have a beautiful Christmas and all good wishes for a fabulous 2026!
Love me xox
Francesca, I know men should help! Their family members would love to see them writing the notes.
Well how fun you two can have a little adventure on your own! I hope it is wonderful.
Wishing you a wonderful holiday!! x
Hi Kim,
My thoughts exactly, but you wrote it best! I’ve checked off all the things you listed for years, and stoped doing them as I got older. Gifts not acknowledged, or worse….one close family actually sent an email saying how much they disliked their edible gift (purchased, not homemade)! That happened on more than one occasion. I actually felt relieved after deciding not to shop and mail gifts anymore!
I love the simple, but practical gift ideas you’ve suggested. And of course, close friends and neighbors are always appreciative of thoughtful gifts.
My wish is to stay at a nicely decorated small hotel during the holidays, enjoy their decorations, relax and eat food I didn’t cook! Thanks for the great ideas and a few laughs this morning!
Wishing you a peaceful holiday season….💗
Cheryl, I have to laugh! Talk about making you want to end gift giving!
When someone isn’t even nice, it’s like why am I doing this? Yes the shopping and mailing is a SLOG!
Oh I like the pretty hotel idea. Sign me up for that.
Hope you have a wonderful one! xo
Hi Kim, I can identify with the gift exchange with husbands family! I had a little chuckle when reading how Max couldn’t quite bring himself to bow out. My husband left it up to my sister-in-law and I to break the news to our formidable mother-in-law😂That has been many years ago and we all survived(even my mother-in-law (who will be 98 this year) Merry Christmas!
Molly, Isn’t that so men? Women have to be the ones it seems to do the confrontational things.
Phew. Always a relief.
Merry Christmas to you!
Perfect post for today. I “do” Thanksgiving and then get so stressed out after getting ready for all things Christmas. This year I planned a trip to Monterey right after turkey day. 3 days of food I didn’t prepare or shop for, and lovely decorations throughout the area. Many long walks along the beautiful coast. It was wonderful. Now back home in a better state of mind. All the best of the season to you and your family.
Elaine, I can understand and we barely catch our breath from Thanksgiving and we are back on the treadmill of to do.
I LOVE this idea of taking a break and refilling our tanks before tackling the season.
Monterey is always so good for the soul!
Happy holidays to you to. xo
Hi Kim,
Loved this post so much! We’re quite low on family members at this point, but we go out for a fancy meal with my daughter and husband and that serves as our Christmas exchange. Much nicer. Feeling festive this year, keeps me from focusing too much on our political climate, so went with two trees, one in the living room and one in the primary bedroom. Really fun. Keeping my mind clear this month of world events, sometimes ignorance is bliss.
Couldn’t resist the bag charms from Furbish so I bought the taco charm.
Merry Christmas to you and yours. Love from Ojai, Ca.
Dani that sounds lovely the dinner!
Trees sparkle and make me happy. We can use the extra sparkle right now right?
Enjoy the season and take a break from the madness.
Oh I love those bag charms. The taco is so cute.
Happy Christmas in magical Ojai!! xo
Dear Kim,
With all you have going I want to “Thank You,” for such a great share. I really like how you introduce your community to ALL these extraordinary independent retail stores you have in your gorgeous community. YOU, made me super duper home sick. No, I made myself homesick. Being a former marketing person, I miss the unique beautiful independent retailers. These stores look and sound fabulous.
Loved your post. We can buy whatever we need or want anytime. I’m so done with all this gift giving. I give to my neighbors by inviting them into our home for a beautiful Christmas Tea luncheon and piano concert given by my Bear. Everyone had an incredible time, it filled my heart with “pure joy.”
My hubs purchased 4 tickets to the Nutcracker Ballet, we invited one of my forever theater friends and a neighbor, both had not been to the Nutcracker forever. I love the ballet. I told my honey I want to see what the new artistic director is doing this year. The next thing I knew he purchased 4 tickets. It’s about the EXPERIENCE. I did send a beautiful princess looking ballerina ornament to my forever friend in the mail so she could prepare herself for our experience.
I do give some gifts and home baked goodies to our dentist, my PCP, my Rheumatologist, all my infusion nurses, and their front desk people. I give all of them cards too. All of the above is all I can handle. I try to add extra Christmas cards aside from my Bear’s Holiday letter.
Yes, I get that we can get in knee deep super over load. For your personal sanity you must get off the tread mill, and just say enough is enough. No one will love you any less. As that saying goes, “If Mama Isn’t Happy No One Is Happy.” So play your tennis, you enjoy Kim. You are a gift to us. Thank you for all that you are and do for us by being present each and every Saturday and sometimes on other days too. I always read what you have to say. I just always get involved in way too many things and that old darn “time thief” creeps in and robs me of time.
Hi Katherine! Aw I think of you when I see a great cards store. We have a wonderful small one called ‘Write Arts’ in LG. I wish you were close so we could hit those small stores together.
I am with you, the buying is too much. We don’t need to. WHY so much? You and Bear are generous and kind. Hosting is the nicest gift!
What a wonderful gift to go to the ballet! You are so cute sending the ballerina ornament.
The truth if mama isn’t happy…
You made my day. Thank you for your kindness and comments all year! Enjoy the ballet! xo
Kim, I love and appreciate the timeliness of your post. Years ago I stopped sending out Christmas cards. I do send out Valentines Cards to my galpals. I take the time to write a note in each, explaining how important they are in my world. I am taking time to bake cookies, at my own pace, only the recipes that bring me joy.
Wishing everyone the Peace of this Season.
Pauline, thank you! What a great idea to do Valentine’s cards. I adore that idea and the personal note. That probably meant so much to them versus a Christmas card with no notes.
Enjoy the baking. I am going to do that too as I love it.
Peace to you and happy holidays.
Hi Kim,
Wonderful post. So glad I’m not alone in how I feel about Christmas. I get major anxiety and like your friend, I have come to hate it. Every Christmas I would be cooking a mound of food to take to my mum’s or my in laws, no help from my husband. About 5 years ago I decided my family of 4 would spend the day at the beach (I’m in Australia) eating chicken sandwiches, fruit and panettone. We have the best time, swimming and chilling. This year we will be with my husband’s siblings and I am dreading it, after a very big argument 4 ears ago that we choose to spend it at the beach after I decided no more. I only do gifts for my kids and my sister and mum. Working full time and running payroll has me working right up to Christmas Eve and adds another layer of stress.
Dear Rita, You are not alone.
Gosh I feel you about the cooking. That sounds like a LOT. I loved that you made that choice and do the beach with panettone! Who wouldn’t love that?
Good for you not doing a lot of gifts. I hope the family meet up is okay.
You are working and deserve to enjoy this season too.
Hugs to you!
Kim,
Thanks for such a great post this morning. I really appreciate the sentiment, and the lovely small gifting ideas you’ve included. This year, we’re doing more time together with family and friends, less worry about gifts!
Have a wonderful weekend,
Karyn
Kayrn thank you!
Yay for less shopping – and more being with those we love.
You are right, we don’t need that worry!
Happy holidays! x
I tried to correct my comment right underneath the original but it wouldn’t let me so my correction will probably show up under other comments. The Furbish pillow I bought says “I had my PATIENCE tested” not patient lol. Apparently I wasn’t fully awake yet!
Linda! I knew what you meant! I loved that. Ha! xoxo
Oh how I miss Los Gatos! They have always had the best shops, even 50 years ago. I appreciate how you feel about gift giving to random relatives. Our children haven’t come home for the holidays for many years…. just too much stress! We do what you do and make short visits throughout the year so we can keep up with their lives. It’s been much easier to do this since we retired.
Have a lovely and rich holiday season.
Hi Sharleen!
Aw we do have a great little town. We are missing a lot of the home shops. One just closed. I fear more will if we don’t shop them!
Yes the gift giving was a lot. I am so glad we don’t need to do that anymore.
I hear you about the holidays. Short visits can be better than making everyone get together for this one time. It’s the worst weather time to travel too. Good for you guys.
Enjoy the holidays! xo
I enjoyed the whole post, but the sentence that I wrote into my day book is: “ if you do it all, you leave no space for others to step up.”
I have believed this for many years but never expressed it this succinctly.
Thank you.
Hi Jenny!
That was from a friend Elizabeth. Back when we were grade school moms and emails were coming every week asking for volunteers for this and that, I felt guilty if I didn’t say yes. Then she told me her dad said that and it just clicked with me.
We sometimes don’t make space for others to step up. It’s good for all.
xo
Kim, you nailed it as usual. My husband and I are debating whether to even bother with a tree. We skipped decorating entirely last year, as he had major surgery early last December; it was surprisingly easy (skipping the decorating, NOT the surgery) and honestly a relief. Our daughter and her family live nearby in a larger house, and all the gatherings are held there, anyway. We did manage to put up lights outside this year, so the neighbors won’t guess what Grinches we’ve become, lol.
We have in recent years made much less ado about a Christmas feast, which could be anything from locally purchased tamales to grilled cheese and soup. After Thanksgiving, no one has the energy!
Hi Sarah! Oh gosh that had to be hard having major surgery at the holidays. Once you give yourself permission to not tree, you then think later- do I even need to? My dad just does a wreath and some small decorations- and the outside lights. The tree is a LOT and skipping it takes a big burden off.
I love the tamales idea!
Kim, I am sorry that you are having problems with your blog. It is so frustrating when something happens and you cannot figure out why. Hopefully all will be restored soon.
I could not agree more and the holidays. The magic of the holidays, the decorating, party prep, gifts, wrapping, etc is because of women. With or without kids. We do it all. My husband is like Max, he writes cards to his friends and his family is so small we both write notes. When we entertain we both love to cook/bake etc we do it together. But as we age we are making changes.
I decorate the house for me, because I like it. I do the same with baking, I love to bake and to share with family and friends. The things I don’t like to do I no longer do and guess what, no one cares. I think the pressure put on me was from me.
The holidays and life are about so much, and it is actually the little things and little moments with the people that we love. At the end of the day that is all that matters.
That said, I love the idea of shopping small and have been doing a lot of that. And I love these stores that you featured, so many great things.
I have to go back and look at all of the gifts, candles and I ideas that you found. I might need to gift myself something.
Kim, go play tennis, stop for a coffee, enjoy all of the little moments, and fun of the season. You will get the important things done and the things that are unfinished are not important.
Have a very blessed and wonderful Christmas season my friend. xo
P.S. Love the idea of a coat drive, what a wonderful thing to do for so many.
Elizabeth, it all was fixed I hope!
Absolutely, all women do so much of it.
I love that your husband is a helpful partner. I tell you it makes a HUGE difference. Max has gotten better at it as he gets older.
I think you are onto something…a lot of it we put on ourselves! If we didn’t do the thing would anyone care? Sometimes it is only us!
I’ve been loving not going to the mall. The small shops have been great. I think we deserve to buy ourselves something for all we do. I know I am.
I hope you have a great one too Elizabeth! x
Hear! Hear! I do less and less each year. Family dynamics can get ugly surrounding holiday events and gifts and travel when the whole season is supposed to be about the opposite. This year my husband is on a last minute month long work trip leading up to Christmas! I usually do much of the holiday stuff on my own anyway, but this year will truly be a one woman show! I am so thankful I already simplified in years prior and will keep it even more simple this year, but will still try to do the most impactful things so the kids have some fun memories. I was lucky to get the bulk of our shopping done in October. On the one hand it is sad that they start holiday sales that early… on the other with kids to shop for and already picked over stores and enough other holiday insanity ahead- I’m glad they do! I hope you get chances for lots of fun and laughter this season and are surrounded by folks with the same M.O.!
Nicole true we lose the real meaning with so much ‘to do.’
I am thinking of you and mom’s (and all parents) on their own doing this.
Good for you taking advantage of the early sales with all moms of kids have on their plate.
Hope you have a wonderful time with the family!
And oh my goodness- I scrolled up through the comments and it all brought me to tears. My love goes to all the humans. We have such grand expectations for things and life sometimes doesn’t work out the way we hope. I felt more normal reading other people’s comments. I am relying on simply being happy when magic happens all on its own and if it happens to coincide with the days we hope to be magical- I will count that lucky. I am sorry to hear of heartbreak surrounding the holidays or to even contend with my own, but I feel better knowing that others have similar “normal” experiences, but also sad for that and for those struggling in other ways too. The magic of Christmas or life must truly reside in the heart and nowhere else- not our expectations, material things or other people…. but my gosh, life is a rollercoaster and isn’t it nice when the magic works out? Love and peace to all.
Nicole, You are so sweet. I know, me too.
Your comment is precious!!
I love how you said if the feeling comes it will be special during this time, but we can’t force it. The most ordinary things can be the most special. If it happens, it can be anywhere! You are spot on. It’s in the heart- and the most fancy tree or gifts can’t conjure what we feel can it?
Love and peace to you dear Nicole! x
Kim, this post says it all! So many of us are tired of feeling buried under the pressure of making it all happen. Have you seen the new Netflix film with Michelle Pfeiffer called Oh What Fun!? I couldn’t stop laughing because it is exactly what women feel during the Christmas season. I stopped sending Xmas cards a couple of years ago. I decorate the house because I love the feeling. Grandkids are grown up now so there aren’t toys to buy. Seasons change and it’s healthy for us to adapt to the changes and focus on doing less. Thank you for giving all of us permission to let go of expectations. Enjoy the tennis and coffee breaks. We love you even if you don’t show us all the house decorations. Xo
Karen thank you for your note here! It’s true.
I just found Oh What Fun, and I will be watching that one night this week! Love that idea. I’m going to link it to the next blog post.
I keep thinking I am no longer doing cards, and then one of my boys will ask what photo are we using. They like to look back at the old ones. I’ve shrank my list!
Aw you are so right, things change and there is something good about each age I think. I hope you enjoy it too.
Thank you for this kind note… the decor is a bit of a mess this year, but I’m okay with it. xo
Such important food for thought Kim. Mom did SO much for our family; baked up a storm, held her job, entertained her bridge group & had people over after my dad’s Christmas concert each year. She sewed Christmas pj’s for my brothers & me, & me a Christmas dress. She never complained, was up late into the night working on projects. I have a hard time when I do entertain, to live up to my expectations. I want to be like my mom was. The hardest part is living up to what I think the holidays should be like. To let go of perfection would be incredibly freeing. Happy Holidays Kim, to your wonderful family.
Deb, You know our moms and grandmas and all the women before them made the magic happen. Wow your mom! We took a lot of that for granted didn’t we? My grandma made us matching robes and my mom sewed things too. I remember her making me a dress for a Christmas play. How did she have time? She also worked.
I hear you. I look at how lovely my grandmother made things. I always wish things to be as pretty as she made them.
I don’t think I’ll ever be her. Letting go and doing less is good.
I love the ‘perfection is the enemy of good enough.’ I truly believe people who settle for ‘good enough’ are happier!
Happy Holidays Deb to you!
xo
Hi Kim — You are always the voice of reason! We are gathering as a family in at my daughter’s in Maryland this year. Since the decorations are just for me (and of course to share with everyone on IG and my blog), I have pared back. I do love having the house decorated, though — it feels so cozy and brings me joy. But I don’t feel the need to decorate EVERYTHING this year. I do love Luna and Aster, but I have had issues with their durability — sticks that break off in the tube, highlighter that cracks and crumbles in the container. Still, I am tempted by some of the things you linked, ha. Happy holidays, friend!
Molly, I adore how you decorate! Fun being at your daughter’s home this year.
I also have had their sticks break. They replaced them, but it shouldn’t happen. Love the other things.
Happy holidays! xo
I lay pretty dormant most of the year, but around November, I come alive rather like Frankenstein’s monster. I love Christmas (many years living in .Saudi Arabia will do that to you), with all of its excess , commercialism – just can’t help it. My tree is up, house decorated, food ordered, presents bought and wrapped, menu organised. Don’t do Xmas cards, except to friends living overseas, nor bake biscuits (only a very boozy English Christmas cake). I usually host Christmas lunch (now my parents are dead) and although I used to say I wouldn’t do a hot lunch, I can’t give up a roast lunch, but now have to add seafood as my American relatives (especially my niece) associates prawns etc with an Aussie Christmas. One of the nicest Christmas’s I have had, was in the 1980s in Washington DC (at my sister’s in laws). We went to a Church service late at night and as we came out, it started snowing. All the homes were beautifully decorated (in my street, anything more than a discreet wreath or ribbon on the front door is considered in poor taste), it was a magical experience. I feel very envious of those beautiful shops where you live.
I know for many people Christmas can be a time of sadness, loneliness and loss, but I try to keep looking ahead. Once Christmas is over, it is back to a gin and tonic, my latest book, slumped under the pergola by the pool.
Have a beautiful Christmas with your family and don’t get too stressed
Susan, I bet living in another culture for a while does make you appreciate all the Christmas stuff.
The boozy Christmas cake sounds great! I love the Christmas lunch tradition.
What a magical memory in DC! I would love to see it at Christmas with the ribbons in doors.
I know Christmas is a bittersweet time… Post Christmas in the sun with a G&T is a good way to ease into the New Year!
Happy Christmas !xo
That Campisi shop sure looks like fun. I am trying not to get too overwhelmed this year. A reader once told me that seeing all the Christmas decor on my blog one year (in SF) stressed her out and made her feel inadequate. Which is the opposite of what I wanted. That was a small apartment (as you know) so easy to decorate.
But I am excited as both kids/spouses and grandkids are coming. But we are leaving this week to see Tommy’s new home and to visit friends in Sarasota. So…whatever gets done gets done 🙂
My daughter gave me my first Flamingo Estate candle (an L.A. company).
I wonder if your blog being off center has something to do with the cellphone version? Did you ask Grayon?
Merry Christmas, my friend.
Mary Ann it’s the loveliest shop!
Wow I know when people feel inadequate because of what we share, that is the opposite of what I want. I hope to be relatable, and to let people know their own style, and not the perfection of magazines and the internet is also inspiring.
Enjoy the kids!!! You’ll love the Flamingo candle.
Grayson was wonderful and fixed it! x